Disclaimer: I did not write this today. I actually wrote it one year ago! Don’t feel obligated to call and wish me well today…because today is a good (read: calm) day in our home!
Dedicated to: my friends who are beautiful, smart women first and foremost as well as amazing mothers.
I. Feel. Crazy.
I am stressed. I am overwhelmed. I am dirty. I can’t think straight. I am almost shaking. My ears are vibrating from the noise (and unfortunately I haven’t even been to a loud concert).
I feel like I am struggling to make each step and each step is weighed down by the additional weight of three people.
My mind is racing through my unending list of things to do, my wants, my needs, my dreams but I can’t cross them off. It is my nightmare in many ways. There is no way to mark the progress of each hour and each day.
I feel like I am walking down the street screaming for help. But no one is coming. There isn’t much anyone else can do.
I feel like a prisoner in my own home and my own body in many ways.
I am exhausted to the bone yet I am shaking with restlessness. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to turn.
On these days…you have to put one foot in front of the other and continue on. Prioritize. Keep everyone safe and happy.
The next day will be better and it will be better. The soothing rhythm of sleep will heal my shattered psyche and right all in my world again. The next day I will find joy in getting “things done” and maintaining order and of course the company of my children.
But for now I need to shut off the part of myself that demands progress and autonomy. For now I need to be content with the small miracles of destruction that are my children.
I cannot speak for all stay at home mothers but I can only describe some days as the WORST day and the BEST day wrapped into ONE long day! There are days when you wake up and do not feel prepared. There is no calling in sick or “taking it easy” by the water cooler. There is no stopping for coffee before reaching the office. There is no heading out to lunch with co-workers. You are immersed into your job so completely that there is no line of when your day started or ended. It is a continuous loop.
Does anyone else feel like this on those long days or years of parenthood?