Over the years I have dreamt to do many things and have many different professions but the centre of my universe and daily life is my home right now. I “work”. I mother. I take care of. I everything from HERE. Right now it feels like I am in my own little bubble of home and children. I step outside of my bubble daily to take care of errands or meet up with friends or my children’s friends only to quickly return to our safe haven.
I am afraid for the moment when I realize the bubble has popped and I have to rejoin reality and the outside world.
This may sound sad to some or it may sound confusing unless you have been a stay at home mother or father. It isn’t that you are fully removed from the outside world but parenthood is all-consuming at times. My full priority is to keep my children in a safe and clean home environment. I do not have the preoccupations of the work world to distract, retract or blur the lines of responsibility.
I miss the inner workings of the work world some days. I miss getting ready in the morning, eating balanced meals and eating them at meal times. I miss having a warm coffee at my desk while I get organized to tackle my work day. I miss listening to CBC radio on the commute to work. I miss having small “water cooler” talk with co-workers. I miss having a routine.
I love waking up at home and realizing that I get to sit down to breakfast with my three children while listening to CBC radio and having a warm (okay cold) coffee and eating breakfast (okay the scraps of my children’s breakfast) and getting dressed for our daily outings (okay throwing on clothes as fast as humanly possible before the kids tackle one another downstairs). I love that they feel safe and happy to be home. I love they aren’t rushed out the door each day and can have their naps in their own beds with their favourite blanket (Isaac), teddy bear (Max) and baby doll (Emma).
Motherhood can be the intermingling of the best days and the worst days all wrapped into the same day. If I am going to ride an emotional roller coaster then I am happy to do it with my three kids. I need to enjoy my leave of absence from work because soon enough the bubble will pop and life will bring another set of challenges!